In looking back over the past year I realize even more how necessary friendship is for personal contentment.
Many years ago when I was in college I saw a production of Stephen Sondheim's A Little Night Music. That musical is a study in triads and trios. All of the music is in 3/4 time (like waltzes) and the story lines explore relationships among three individuals, three combinations of individuals, and three compelling identities.
For example, Anne and Frederick are newly married, although Anne is apprehensive to consumate the marriage while Frederick muses over his past love Desiree.
In the background, Henrik, Frederick's son plays the cello which both charms and irritates Anne, who is closer in age to Henrik than to her new husband.
So: Anne/Frederick/Desiree; Anne/Frederick/Henrick. The musical continues to play out scenarios of couples comprised of individuals who each long for just a bit more. It is an elegant tale of the hope for having one's cake and eating it too.
What I remember most about that particular production was the elegance of the choreography. The stage hands--those folks who do the set changes between scenes--were dressed in formal wear and for each set change danced while moving furniture and other set properties.
The metaphor of elegance was woven throughout that production. While the quality of relationships ebbed and flowed, no one was visibly injured. The musical is robust with disappointments, embarrassing moments, and even regrets. But the characters take life's surprises with dignity--and they allow others the same grace.
Healthy social lives should include enough room to take risks, love passionately, make mistakes, and grow--all without the bother of cheap shots from onlookers.
During 2011 I grew a lot. Late in 2010 a social network friend, Mark had a bad break up with his partner. He posted on Facebook a brief, but poignant statement about that devastation. Although we only knew each other from FB, I felt compelled to reach out to Mark, and so began an important friendship which culminated (thus far) to my traveling out of state to meet and enjoy a lovely dinner with him. That friendship came about because of mutual trust and openness to being fully present, even with a stranger.
Later in 2011 I struck up a conversation with an acquaintance from my gym. A casual conversation uncovered mutual feelings of wandering through life--two guys in midlife trying to remember our purposes. From that conversation came a renewed commitment to running, hundreds of miles on the streets of Grand Rapids at all hours of the early morning, several 5Ks, a 10K, and a half marathon with each of us making PRs. There is no more important friendship in my life now than the one I have with my running buddy.
I also enjoyed rekindling a great college relationship with my lovely and inspiring friend, Breisa. We bantered back and forth on FB and through email about running, Buddhism, health, the amazing things that happen on life's journey, and memories of college. In the late summer we had the wonderful, but sad opportunity to meet up at our college homecoming. Sadly, the homecoming also included a memorial service for our beloved faculty member, Dr. Lawerence Campbell, a brilliant pianist who died too young.
Somewhere in the midst of the year I also struck up a friendship heightened by an ongoing thread of email about life, relationships, running, balance with another Mark. A remarkable athlete whose sensitivity, insight, and humility all inspire me to listen more, run harder, and be true to my intuition.
There are many other friends who I've not mentioned here who each contribute to my renewed sense of wholeness. My partner, all those at IWU's homecoming that I reconnected with, Jack, who continues to be a shining star in my heart, Art whose daily patience is miraculous...my life is a joyful combination of the good of many.
I began this post with a comment about trios and that theme is present in my life: my morning life, or what is sometimes jokingly referred to as my "Westside Life;" my work life, and my home life. These three aspects of me bring balance. The Westside Life includes running through Grand Rapids' culturally complex Polish and Lithuanian westside, my love of the Westsider Diner, and my (new) membership to a Polish hall. My work life is equally necessary--I love my work, my colleagues, the students and the mission of GRCC. And my home life is a miracle...nearly 20 years with John, hosting such a cast of wonderful friends throughout the years, our Chihuahuas and cat...it just doesn't get any better. These three sides of me each make my life grand.
2011's lessons:
Friendship and love are always right in front of us. We need only notice those moments, those opportunities. Too often, I think, we get caught up in replaying drama, telling stories of little horrors from the day--what went wrong at work, what family member acted out, what feeling got hurt. In 2012 take time to notice the abundance of love and friendship in the world. Take time to offer a hand to someone...and reach up and allow yourself to accept a hand when it's extended.
