Sitting

Sitting
And this moment is my path

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Reconsidering Resolutions

I'm taking some time to move lists originally posted on Facebook to this blog. Most of these lists were created in response to requests from friends to participate in those "25 Random Things" things. I know some people find these things to be immature, or a waste of time, or invasive, or something else not entirely productive or good, but I like them. They offer a chance to reflect.

Which leads me to thinking about resolutions. I am finding the difference between clinging to goals and being with goals very helpful. It's as if I were taking a walk with a great friend, feeling in harmony and tandem with their energy--that is being with. But, if I and my friend each hold one end of a piece of string and then promise ourselves to continue our walk while holding the string taught--I am clinging. We are suddenly three: he, I, and our distracting relationship with the string.

Setting a goal or a resolution allows one to explore the present and its actions in the unpressured context of the preferred. When one forces commitment to a resolution, the joy of the moment is sacrificed for the lure of the future.

Here are some things about myself I notice:

1. Almost every day I think about how fortunate I am to hear and know the music of Rachmaninoff.
2. I have an extremely sensitive affective memory. I remember how I felt at every musical performance I've given or been a part of since childhood. I remember riding a firetruck in 4th grade because I won a poster contest. All things that promote intensity of feelings seem to stay with me forever.
3. I rarely cry, but I ALWAYS cry during the overtures to operas and musicals--all of them--Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Rent, Boheme--anything.
4. I saw a shooting star this morning and thought of wishing for world peace, but went for single-digit body fat instead.
5. I find people who take themselves too seriously tedious.
6. I rarely get angry.
7. I can have as much investment in casual acquaintances as I do best friends. I strive to not take anyone for granted.
8. I often love the journey more than the destination.
9. If someone is witty and intelligent, I can be with them for hours.
10. I find sarcasm tedious.
11. I wish I had been more athletic earlier in life.
12. I would rather give than get gifts and host than be hosted. I am socially awkward as a guest, but completely confident being a host.
13. I am shy and strive to gain confidence through learning as much as possible about everything I do.
14. I can't relate to children at all--not as a child, nor now as an adult.
15. I could live on pasta and Cabernet.
16. I used to live in a pink trailer--all pink--even the appliances, toilet, and sinks.
17. I was a great waiter and sometimes miss it.
18. I love having such a strangely diverse set of real life and virtual friends--staunch, hard core Republicans and over the top liberals--it's what makes everything interesting.
19. I rarely feel pressure to be agreeable.
20. I love my chihuahuas and will forgive them for anything.
21. I sometimes think about becoming a Buddhist monk.
22. I don't like desserts very much.
23. I probably, no almost for sure overthink everything.
24. I love the unconventional life John and I lead. This past Saturday we went to Buffalo Wild Wings, then the Met Opera simulcast, then pizza and Cosmopolitans. I live in a conservative suburb....nothing makes a dime of sense, but it's all fun.
25. I don't procrastinate, but I do linger sometimes...