Sitting

Sitting
And this moment is my path

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Awakening to Desire (inspired by the writings of Diane Eshin Rizzetto)

Given the opportunity to put activities, at least work-related ones to rest for a few days, I find my mind electric with energy and ideas. Energy is not the most accurate word, it's really chaos; and ideas is not the most accurate word either: fragmented, sharp, jagged thoughts holding this thinker in a bind.

Most of these chaotic thoughts are desires:

more career success
more intimacy
more friends
more creativity
more time
more projects

Even more desire to be expressive (to blog in a way that is interesting). I allow the desires room to roam about, although my initial reaction is to calm or more accurately, squelch the desires. Instead I allow them space to breathe. Perhaps as each desire is given space it will begin to dissipate or become diluted with calm, clarity, or some level of peace.

Perhaps career success is temporal; perhaps a more skilled way of viewing career success is to observe it as a sequence of moments. Moments of sincerity--speaking to each colleague deeply and sincerely, helping each student and parent with pure commitment to their concern--responding to each email with care and focus.

In a broader, perhaps more universal sense (a more infinite sense) desire is the lion to which we bring milk. The difficulty that never leaves, allowing us to develop a calmness that coexists with desire.

Think openly about all your desires. If there are too many to hold in your mind all at once, just capture a few. Feel the energy they express--then, breathe with them; make friends. Be with your agitation, anxiety, fears, and hopes. Know that you need not do anything--including criticize the desire for being present. Just allow each of them to be fully present. Feel yourself broaden as the stress or presence brought in by the automated, additional desire to control the desires.

The desires will not go away, but we need not find them as enemies.