Camping Lessons

One of my goals for this year was to go camping--something that I've never done as an adult. John Muir wrote, “Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out going to the mountains is going home; that wilderness is a necessity...”

That's so true.

After just a short three-and-a-half day camping trip I learned some things:

1. Shorts and a t-shirt are the most any man should wear, especially during Michigan's summers.
2. A fishing hat comes in handy to protect against sun, but count on looking ridiculous.
3. Avoid mirrors (see #2).
4. A clean camper is a happy camper.
5. Showering outdoors is heaven.
6. It is never too early for a good cold beer, especially if it is from Founders Brewing Company.
7. Camping is no excuse for bad food. We had nachos, frittata, steak kabobs (even me, the vegetarian!--and they were delicious), upside down pineapple doughnuts (that were beyond delicious), and Guinness Cakes. And cava, of course.
8. I've never been in a kayak, but after 10-minutes of expert instruction, I made it all the way across Pentwater Lake--and was greeted with cheers, a bag of Sun Chips, and a cold one.
9. If a fat man on a scooter falls over, stop and help him up.
10. If you're given the keys to a 5-speed Ford-150 on a dirt path, drive it like you own it.
11. Coleman Biowipes are perhaps one of the most useful inventions ever.
12. The most important thoughts and conversations you might have are most likely to happen in the utter blackness of night in a forest with only the sounds of crickets.
13. Muir was right. Wilderness is a necessity.

Lessons

I would much rather be with those who openly express their feelings, including fear, pain, and hurt rather than those who seem as though they have such strength that they are exempt from the  realities of life. Authenticity includes the skillful ability to be fully present with all feelings, not just those that society has deemed alright.

It is as important to be able to accept an apology as it is to be able to offer one.

Every day the earth shakes a little bit...sometimes it's gentle, other times there are jolts. This dynamic will not change. We can only strive to have steady footing during the shaking.

The ability of our closest friends to awaken us to our sense of centeredness cannot be appreciated enough. To be with friends in all of our collective complexity is beautiful and voluptious...lusty.

Water & Rice

A “motherly heart” is a heart which maintains the Three Jewels as a parent cares for a child. A parent raises a child with deep love, regardless of poverty or difficulties. Their hearts cannot be understood by another; only a parent can understand it. A parent protects their child from heat or cold before worrying about whether they themselves are hot or cold. This kind of care can only be understood by those who have given rise to it and realized only by those who practice it. This, brought to its fullest, is how you must care for water and rice, as though they were your own children.

Crustless Spinach Quiche

My good friends, Jeff and Tish have a just-a-tad-more-than-two-years-old grandson whom they often entertain. Yesterday I made a quiche and at the last minute decided to double it, thinking that Jeff and Tish might like it. This morning Tish sent a photo of Gabe having it for breakfast! 

Oh, and it's crustless, which makes it even easier.

Here's the recipe:

1. Thaw a 10 oz package of frozen chopped spinach and let drain.
2. Preheat oven to 350.
3. Spray a 9" pie pan (metal or glass) with Pam.
4. Chop a medium to large sized onion.
5. Add about 1 tblsp olive oil to a medium sized sauté pan.
6. Saute the onion for about 6 minutes--just until it is soft, but not browned.
7. While the onion is sautéing, beat 5 eggs in a large bowl.
8. Add 3 cups shredded cheese to the beaten eggs (I use packaged swiss, but you could use mozzarella, a blend of Italian cheeses...whatever you like or have on hand. I tend to stay away from cheddar, since it has more fat and oil than I like).
9. Blend the eggs and cheese well.
10. Add the drained spinach to the onion and sauté just long enough for the remaining moisture to mostly steam off.
11. You don't have to, but I add about 1/8 cup vermouth to the spinach and onion, as well as a little salt, a lot of pepper, and whatever herbs I have around--thyme, oregano, whatever you like.
12. Once the spinach, onion and herb mixture have finished, take them off the heat and let them cool just a bit. At the same time, let the eggs and cheese come up to nearly room temperature.
13. You're going to add the spinach mixture to the eggs and cheese and so it's important to not add hot to cold--lest you scramble the eggs.

I usually have a beer or whiskey slush to let the time pass.

Then, once the temperature of everything is pretty good, fold the spinach mixture into the eggs and cheese.

Pour everything into the pie pan and place into the oven for about 35 minutes. If the top is not quite as golden as you like, crank up the broiler and watch the quiche closely for 1-2 minutes.

Take out of the oven and let set for at least 5 minutes.

Serve hot or let it cool down--it's great either way.

I serve it with a salad and a nice sparkling wine, like Cava or Prosecco.

The Real Reason I Love Running

GRCC Runners, Irish Jig, 2011

Giving material goods is one form of generosity, but one can extend an attitude of generosity into all one's behavior. Being kind, attentive, and honest in dealing with others, offering praise where it is due, giving comfort and advice where they are needed, and simply sharing one's time with someone - all these are forms of generosity, and they do not require any particular level of material wealth.

Rainer Maria Rilke

 Lately I've been revisiting the concept of "shame." Shame occurs when one is made to feel less worthy than anyone else and typically due to a perceived flaw or mistake or some other eccentricity. Most of us are survivors of shame--we can all remember a time in our lives when something about us was revealed and we reacted by wanting to hide or disappear.

In the 1970s it was popular for parents to intentionally "shame" children out of behaviors. I remember a younger family member who carried a security blanket longer than her parents thought she should. And so all family members were encouraged to ridicule her. Even typing that anecdote brings some memory of pain for her suffering.

Virginia Satir wrote the Five Freedoms:

1. The freedom to see and hear what is here, instead of what “should” be, was, or will be.
2. The freedom to say what you feel and think, instead of what you “should” feel and think.
3. The freedom to feel what you feel, instead of what you “ought” to feel.
4. The freedom to ask for what you want, instead of always waiting for permission.
5. The freedom to take risks on you own behalf, instead of choosing to be only “secure.”

I can think of no other set of affirmations that can be so life-changing than these five freedoms. Allowing them would result in a world of authenticity--no more hiding, no more closets, no more "playing it safe for others."

Today's challenge: choose at least one of the Five Freedoms and make it today's mantra.

Friendship, Love, and Buddyship: Incomplete thoughts on the concept of compassionability

“No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater...The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that's the key. It's like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.”

― Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby

The week of Valentine's Day has been tumultuous--mostly in good ways, but not without enough shennanigans to get me thinking about what's important in relationships.

Friendship, buddyship, and love are ways of being present with others. They have common characteristics, hallmarks.

Simplicity--maybe not contextually--we have to continue to traverse our way through many unknowns. And many of these unknowns lead to stubbing our toes, tripping, falling, making errors. Sometimes we get bruised--hopefully not intentionally. But sometimes, even as we strive for simplicity we encounter rickety stairs and slick hills.

We are human. We lose our patience. Sometimes lose our temper and act abruptly. In our deepest moments of humanity--which I hope are frequent--we notice our compassionability, our capacity and ability to be, express and accept compassion. This is a hallmark, not only of healthy relationships, but also of intrapersonal strength.  Developing  or expressing compassionability can be daunting.

Perhaps we've made choices that limit our abilities to easily express love and friendship. After all, we're socialized to check boxes--to be either or rather than both and. But of course the experience of humanity is not nice and neat. It is messy, requires spontaneity; it has peaks and valleys. At our own highest highs we revel in awareness, laughter, humor, and buddyships. At our lowest lows we question ourselves. We allow our minds to be overwhelmed with doubt--perhaps shame and regret. I find that no affective state is more distressful than regret--the desire to un-do an action or statement. When we're low, we feel isolated and discontent; raw and unsafely vulnerable. Learning from regret and then letting it go is an important skill. Like the monk who used the canoe to cross the river and then left it behind--because he no longer needed it--we use life as a series of lessons--not a room that gets overfilled with items we no longer need.

Love and friendship are solution-focused. Friends, buddys, partners and lovers seek out and embrace opportunities to care for and express caring and concern for one another. Conversely, we thoughtuflly walk away from temptations to blame, take jabs, or make accusatory statements.

We keep our sights set high on the belief that we each have something good to offer one another--that we are partners in a common, higher principle.

Love and friendship have a sense of balance. Relationships have reciprocity, equanimity, homeostasis. We offer support but we also ask for it. We know our strengths and share them--as supports and as lessons.

We are teachers and students of one another. That is an important hallmark; our appreciation and respect of our interconnectivity. We likewise recognize and address our weaknesses. We ask for help from those stonger and wiser--and we accept and respond to valid criticisms of our weaknesses.

Compassionability  resides with our negative emotions (remember, we're human). So don't bother to try to extinguish negative emotions--rather, strive to allow your ability to be compassionate to be the primary source of decision-making when faced with a surprisingly challenge person or situation.

Some pointers on how to cultivate these halmarks:

1. Always take time for lunch...to go to a quiet spot, perhaps a park--and read a book that a buddy suggested.
2. Find a time in the day to listen to silence.
3. Strive to go 24 hours without complaining; repeat.
4. Notice the lives of others.
5. If you see the same people every day, make sure you introduce yourself; know the name of the guy who lockers next to you.
6. Take a subtle no for an answer, but don't read things into everything.
7. Sing along.
8.  Forgive the past. We've all been saints and sinners...and we'll continue to be.