18 Ways to Put Stress in its Place

In the arms of friendship, stress is forgotten.

1.     Remember the compassion within your heart. Take time to write a thank you note to someone just for being them. Surprise a friend with your friendship.

2.     Learn something new today. A poem, a song; learn a dance step or a card trick. Stress is reduced when our minds rejoice in their ability to learn.

3.     Be creative today. Paint, journal, blog, plant something. Make a sandwich.

4.     Get physical. Exercise of any level helps blood move and awakens our senses. Do what you can—a little or a lot. Tap your fingers to music—anything. Love your body and its abilities.

5.     Make a list of heroes. Who in your life has made a difference? How did you grow because of your relationship with them? Were they a teacher? A member of the clergy? A co-worker? Maybe you have many! Write all of their names down and celebrate your relationships.

6.     Feel. Stress often comes about due to our tendencies to shove difficult feelings aside. But feelings don’t go away. They might hide in your stomach, your neck and shoulders, your head. Feelings are a part of our life. Make friends with all of them. Say, “Hello, sadness. I see you’ve come by for a visit. What shall we talk about…well, it’s time for you to go now.”

7.     Watch a comedy. Laughing releases all kinds of great endorphins, chemicals, and energy. Watch cartoons (the really good classic ones!). Or an episode of your favorite old sitcom like Seinfeld or something.

8.     Meditate, pray, or take a trip into nature. Remember that your life is part of an immense and wondrous world. Listen to your inner spirit; listen to your breath. Be quiet and still. Count ants or pine trees or stars. Be thrilled at the world.

9.     Let go of something that has led to stress. A memory of anger, hurt, or sadness. Write it a good-bye note and be done with it. Liberate yourself from one thing that has been lingering.

10.  Clean a messy garage or junk drawer. Put something in order. Throw away useless papers or other items. Tidy up!

11.  Donate something today. Your time, or ability to fix a bike or make chili. Bring joy to someone’s life. Give someone a smile. Open the door for someone you don’t know.

12.  Start a book or see a movie that you’ve been thinking about. It might be a book or film that you’ve seen before—a favorite—or you might take a gamble on something new. Make learning something new an adventure!

13.  Write the title of your autobiography. What would the story of your life be called? Then outline the names of the book’s chapters. What would Chapter 1 be? Chapter 2? What Chapter are you in now? What will be next? It’s YOUR story, so make it anything you want it to be!

14.  Read or write some long overdue greeting cards. Write a thank you note.

15.  Call an old friend. Just say, “Hi! I was just thinking about you.” Bring a conversation of friendship to someone. Oftentimes, giving someone something relieves stress. Stress, our new friend, has to make room for our other friend, Generosity.

16.  Go to the Grand Rapids Public Museum, Art Museum, Frederick Meijer Gardens, or some other place where you can see great art. Be blown away by creativity. Have fun; people watch!

17.  Go to one of the malls  or a park and watch kids play.  Watching children reminds us of how miraculous life is.

18.  Set some goals. Maybe just one for today, maybe for the week or for the year. Remember that your life is a journey. Plan a route. All kinds of obstacles may come your way (that happens to everyone), but always have a plan!

December 4: Personal Day of Compassion

Remember the compassion within your heart.

Take time to write a thank you note to someone just for being them.

Surprise a friend with your love.

December 3 De-Stressor

1

Victor Frankl said, “The last of the human freedoms is the freedom to choose our spirit in any circumstance.” He was right.

Today, choose an uplifting, inspired spirit of living!

Making friends with stress

  

I often am asked to give talks on stress management. A few years ago I began to provide a handout that listed stress busters for each day of the month. 

I find December to be especially stressful--holidays, too much junk food, managing money, the skies turn gray...even with the very much appreciated merriment of friends and tinsel, I really have to take time to be in touch with my stress and make friends with it.

Here are two de-stressers, one for December 1 and the other for December 2. Look for one a day throughout the whole month!

December 1: Stress is a part of life. Today, give it a name, an identity. Let it know that it has a home, but not free reign. Set rules for stress. Make it a respectful friend. You don’t need to love it; just get along.

December 2: Throw off regrets. Stress often talks us into believing that life would be better if we had made different choices. Maybe so; maybe not. For now, you only have this moment. Put regrets into a box and out of the way. Embrace today.

31 Ways for 31 Days. Coping with Holiday Stress

“When we come into the present, we begin to feel the life around us again, but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding. We must have the courage to face whatever is present / our pain, our desires, our grief, our loss, our secret hopes our love / everything that moves us most deeply.”

Jack Kornfield

To be healthy we should not avoid stress, but rather develop a friendlier relationship with it. Here are 31—one for each day of December—ideas or thoughts about how to build a relationship with stress.

1. Stress is a part of life. Today, give it a name, an identity. Let it know that it has a home, but not free reign. Set rules for stress. Make it a respectful friend. You don’t need to love it; just get along.

2. Throw off regrets. Stress often talks us into believing that life would be better if we had made different choices. Maybe so; maybe not. For now, you only have this moment. Put regrets into a box and out of the way. Embrace today.

3. Frankl said, “The last of the human freedoms is the freedom to choose our spirit in any circumstance.” He was right. Today, choose an uplifting, inspired spirit of living!

4. Remember the compassion within your heart. Take time to write a thank you note to someone just for being them. Surprise a friend with your love.

5. Learn something new today. A poem, a song; learn a dance step or a card trick. Stress is reduced when our minds rejoice in their ability to learn.

6. Be creative today. Paint, journal, blog, make angel wings in the snow. Make cookies.

7. Get physical. Exercise of any level helps blood move and awakens our senses. Do what you can—a little or a lot. Tap your fingers to music—anything. Love your body and its abilities.

8. Make a list of heroes and “she-roes.” Who in your life has made a difference? How did you grow because of your relationship with them? Were they a teacher? A member of the clergy? A co-worker? Maybe you have many! Write all of their names down and celebrate your relationships.

9. Feel. Stress often comes about due to our tendencies to shove difficult feelings aside. But feelings don’t go away. They might hide in your stomach, your neck and shoulders, your head. Feelings are a part of our life. Make friends with all of them. Say, “Hello, sadness. I see you’ve come by for a visit. What shall we talk about…well, it’s time for you to go now.”

10. Watch a comedy. Laughing releases all kinds of great endorphins, chemicals, and energy. Watch cartoons (the really good classic ones!). Or an episode of your favorite old sitcom like I Love Lucy or something.

11. Meditate, pray, or take a trip into nature. Remember that your life is part of an immense and wondrous world. Listen to your inner spirit; listen to your breath. Be quiet and still. Count snowflakes or pine trees or stars. Be thrilled at the world.

12. Let go of something that has led to stress. A memory of anger, hurt, or sadness. Write it a good-bye note and be done with it. Liberate yourself from one thing that has been lingering.

13. Clean a messy closet or junk drawer. Put something in order. Throw away useless papers or other items. Tidy up!

14. Donate something today. Your time, or a pie, or a loaf of homemade bread or cookies. Bring joy to someone’s life. Give someone a smile. Open the door for someone you don’t know.

15. Start a book or see a movie that you’ve been thinking about. It might be a book or film that you’ve seen before—a favorite—or you might take a gamble on something new. Make learning something new an adventure!

16. Write the title of your autobiography. What would the story of your life be called? Then outline the names of the book’s chapters. What would Chapter 1 be? Chapter 2? What Chapter are you in now? What will be next. It’s YOUR story, so make it anything you want it to be!

17. Read or write some holiday cards. By now you’ve probably received a few and sent a few. Who else should get one? Maybe the nice clerk at the grocery store? Or the mail delivery person? Which cards have you received that have special messages in them? Write a thank you note.

18. Call an old friend. Just say, “Hi! I was just thinking about you and wanted to say Happy Holidays!” Bring a conversation of joy to someone. Oftentimes, giving someone something relieves stress. Stress, our new friend, has to make room for our other friend, Generosity.

19. Go to the Grand Rapids Public Museum, Art Museum, Frederick Meijer Gardens, or some other place where you can see great art. Be blown away by creativity. Have fun; people watch!

20. Go to one of the malls and watch kids on Santa’s lap. Oh, the line and the fuss—and those faces. Watching children reminds us of how miraculous life is.

21. Set some goals. Maybe just one for today, maybe for the week or for the year. Remember that your life is a journey. Plan a route. All kinds of obstacles may come your way (that happens to everyone), but always have a plan!

22. Go through this list and journal about what you’ve done so far. How is your relationship with stress? Healthier? Worse? There’s always room to grow. We often want things to get better and better. But they don’t—they get better and worse, and better and worse. Our ability to be fascinated by unexpected things will get us through. Sometimes the best thing to do is smile and say, “Wow! I didn’t see that one coming!”

23. Remember the words of Walt Whitman, “I am larger and better than I thought. I did not think I held so much goodness.”

24. Kabir wrote,” Are you looking for the Holy One? I am in the next seat. My shoulder is against yours.” Today, recognize the beauty of the world, of spirituality in everyone. See yourself in a world of purpose and good intentions.

25. Think of all the people you love. Close your eyes and hear their laughter! Call them or email and let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Think of all the people who love and appreciate you. Call or email them and thank them for their support. Embrace your world family. Try for at least one an hour!

26. Make a list of all things that have brought you joy throughout your life and up to this very minutes. Celebrate the miracle of your life.

27. Have a chat with your mind. Stress often comes about because we talk ourselves into believing the worst. But we can equally just notice the moment. It has been said, “The mind has no dignity. It will think anything. And then talk us into believing it!” Remind your mind that most things are alright.

28. Write thank you notes. For holiday gifts, or visits, or anything. I often find that taking stock of what I am grateful for takes longer than I planned! Set time aside to write simple, but heartfelt notes to those who have been kind to you.

29. Forgive someone today.

30. Come up with a list of common stressors. Rank them in order to the very big ones to the ones that are small, but irritating. If there are things that can be gotten rid of, then do that! But many of them may not go away so easily. Come up with a plan on how to live with them. Let them know that you will make room for them, but that they are not in control. Create your life.

31. Do nothing. Set time aside today to sit quietly and be amazed by December. Tomorrow is a new year!

Awakening to Desire (inspired by the writings of Diane Eshin Rizzetto)

Given the opportunity to put activities, at least work-related ones to rest for a few days, I find my mind electric with energy and ideas. Energy is not the most accurate word, it's really chaos; and ideas is not the most accurate word either: fragmented, sharp, jagged thoughts holding this thinker in a bind.

Most of these chaotic thoughts are desires:

more career success
more intimacy
more friends
more creativity
more time
more projects

Even more desire to be expressive (to blog in a way that is interesting). I allow the desires room to roam about, although my initial reaction is to calm or more accurately, squelch the desires. Instead I allow them space to breathe. Perhaps as each desire is given space it will begin to dissipate or become diluted with calm, clarity, or some level of peace.

Perhaps career success is temporal; perhaps a more skilled way of viewing career success is to observe it as a sequence of moments. Moments of sincerity--speaking to each colleague deeply and sincerely, helping each student and parent with pure commitment to their concern--responding to each email with care and focus.

In a broader, perhaps more universal sense (a more infinite sense) desire is the lion to which we bring milk. The difficulty that never leaves, allowing us to develop a calmness that coexists with desire.

Think openly about all your desires. If there are too many to hold in your mind all at once, just capture a few. Feel the energy they express--then, breathe with them; make friends. Be with your agitation, anxiety, fears, and hopes. Know that you need not do anything--including criticize the desire for being present. Just allow each of them to be fully present. Feel yourself broaden as the stress or presence brought in by the automated, additional desire to control the desires.

The desires will not go away, but we need not find them as enemies.