Ten Things About Me

It's my birthday, so I'm indulging a little bit with this post about me. From the silly to the candid, here are 10 things about me that you might ( or might not) know.

1. I was adopted at birth. It was not really through an agency, but more through word of mouth among my mother, a doctor, and a woman who had conceived me. It was made legal after the fact. I have immense respect for my biological mother and no desire to find her or my alleged 5 siblings. But, of course, I'm curious about all of them.

2. Early in life I was very ill, mostly due to very severe allergies and asthma. I stopped breathing twice and had to be revived. Because of my allergies, I had a very private and subdued childhood (think, Boy in the Plastic Bubble). During that time I read every book I could find and taught myself to read music and play the piano.

3. From the time I was four, I have been described as "aloof." I don't perceive myself as aloof (which infers being unfriendly), but I am very shy and socially insecure.

4. Throughout my life, all of my best friends have been just slightly older than me. Only in midlife did I begin to have close relationships with people my age or younger.

5. Because I wasn't socialized with other children (see #2), I have great difficulty relating to any child who is younger than 15. When, on the rare occasion that a child takes a liking to me, I am incredibly awkward.

6. I have loved learning, teaching, and all things educational since I was very young. I ALWAYS stayed after class...from at least 4th grade on...to talk to anyone. Custodians, bus drivers, playground supervisors, teachers....anyone who was around...I never wanted to leave any school setting.

7. My first job was at a community college. I was a rehearsal pianist for L'il Abner at John A. Logan College in 1979, and later for Man of La Mancha. I still have the most fond memories of that period of my life and am grateful for being in touch with those lovely friends who shared that time with me.

8. Despite loving learning and education, I was a clumsy college student. The experience of stumbling, getting up, stumbling bigger, getting up, and stumbling again...created the foundation for my adult life which is committed to optimism, resiliency, and hope.

9. I have deep friendships. I take each relationship very seriously. I was once taught that a true hug is one that is close enough and lasts long enough that each person becomes one for just a moment due to allowing two heart beats  to establish one rhythm. I believe and practice that. If you and I are friends, we hug with great comfort.

10. I love aging. I love my partner, my pets (those here and those who have transcended), my work, and my friends. When I entered my later 40s I began to realize the beauty of nature and the poignancy of urban life; I love that complex blend. My days are now touched by sunrises, trails, time at the YMCA with amazing friends; late afternoons at St. George's Hall; time at Founders Brewing Company; making meals at my home for John while the dogs vie for lap time and perhaps a nibble of potato; camping and biking trips with  great friends like Bryan and Jeff that are made possible by the generosity of Dave and Ed. Actually, I'm just happy that my life is filled with so many lessons and gifts.

New Year's Day 2013: A Look Back at 2012 and Some Goals for this Year

Really terrific things, happenings, and memories:

1. I ran several really great races. Great, not because I'm so fast, but great because I had so much fun.
   The Heart & Sole 5K (26:43)
   The Irish Jig 5K (26:21)
   The Riverbank Run 25K (2:33:58)
   The Chicago Monster Dash Half Marathon (2:21:24)
   and yesterday, the Wolverine Resolution Run 4-Miler (36:30).
2. I joined St. George's, a Polish hall here in Grand Rapids. The beer is cold and cheap and the members, warm and fun. What could be better?
3. We celebrated Art's birthday on the West Side. Breakfast at the Westsider and dinner at the Hall (Barb's Burgers...terrific!).
4. I got a tattoo for my birthday and had the time of my life. Most of which cannot be fully documented.
5. John and I celebrated 19 years together!
6. Jeff treated me and John to Jeffrey Kahane, which was one of the finest recitals I've ever heard. That was a special evening.
7. I spent most of the early part of the year training for the Riverbank Run. Every mile of training left me with cherished memories of the beauty of Grand Rapids, the importance of friendship, and a fuller commitment to being healthy.
8. I discovered a deep love and respect to being outdoors. Who knows where this came from?? I went camping twice--once in Pentwater, MI (thanks to Ed and Dave!) and once in Empire, MI. Two of the most beautiful and inspiring trips I've ever taken.
9. I learned to kayak!
10. I started hiking. Which I love, too.
11. I was able to hire a Director for one of my core departments at GRCC! And he's terrific.
12. Jeff and I were able to make a destination run work! A weekend in Chicago WITH a visit from Bryan, cookies and kisses from Breisa, AND more fun than two middle-aged men should have.
13. ArtPrize 2012--always spectacular!
14. Jeff, Ryan, and I got to attend the Beer Exhibit at the Grand Rapids Public Museum (I love GR!).
15. I developed a very strong relationship with Founders Brewing! Monday nights, look for me there.
16. I got to spend the most terrific weekend with the Connelly's, while Bryan rode the Iceman Cometh!
17. I logged over 1,000 miles of running.
18. My mother treated us to a holiday visit (love you, Mom!).

So, as they say in journalism, "here's what we're working on for 2013

1. I'll work on the book list from last year! Read at least one book per month.
2. Hiking. My new adventure. I'm going at least twice a month.
3. Crush credit cards. I hate them.
4. Finish my first full marathon. Training starts January 6. Look for regular updates.

What are YOU up to?

He came to sell me books

Would you like to buy some books?

I've plenty of books.
Thank you.

But these are life-changing books.
Here are some Dr. Seuss books.
And here is an entire set of children's encyclopedias. You receive one a month until you have the entire set.

Yes, I'll take those.
The Dr. Seuss books and the encyclopedias.
I will read them from cover to cover.
I'll know words. And see how rhymes and wit are created.
And how the world works.

I have more books for you to buy. These are text books. You have to have them. You could rent them, but I think it's better to buy them. That way you'll have them forever.

Yes. Yes, I should buy them. Space is tight on the shelf, but I'll find a place for them. How many are there?

Well, that's a hard question. Learning is a lifetime activity. You'll probably need to buy about 12 text books each year.

For how long?

For a very long time.

Is it a subscription?

Sort of. You can cancel at anytime. Well, not really at any time. But any time after the first eight years, although it is not advised.

Okay. Which ones should I buy first?

Oh, the reading books and arithmetic and science are the best books to start with. And later you can add books on social science, art, theatre, and music. You cannot have enough music books.

And so the books began to fill my life. Shelf after shelf became full. And then they appeared in stacks on my bedside table...and on the coffee table, and I began to buy more shelves, and they found their way into plastic storage bins. They were everywhere; they are everywhere.

The books became more complicated. He continued selling them to me.

Here are some categories of books that I suggest you consider:

• Adolescence: Why it is Important and How to Have Social Conflict, Inner Turmoil, and Daily Existential Crises at Least Hourly for Six-Eight Years (And Share with Others).
• Religion: How to Do What You're Told, Believe without Questioning, and Develop Expertise in the Cycle of Shame, Blame, and Forgiveness.
• Career: Determining Your Talents and Interests and then Comparing Those to What Will Bring You the Greatest Monetary Rewards.
• Higher Education: Why the Joy of Learning Will Always Be Greater than the Number of Opportunities to Share Knowledge.
• Relationships: Surviving on the Continuum of Family, Friends, Lovers, and Co-Workers--Why Being Genuine and Honest Rarely Pay Off.
• Recreation: How to Determine What is Best for You and Then Struggle to Fit It In to Your Daily Existence (Without Pissing Everyone Off).
• Aging: Conquering the Myths.

I have books.

Well, by this stage of my life, I think I've read nearly all of these. Some were very helpful. But many left me feeling empty, confused, or as though I just wasn't getting it.

Thank you for the books. I will continue reading some of these and others. But I think I have to put some of the books down to make time for living. For getting out and learning by doing. It's been helpful to learn from what others write about. I've read those books, marked passages, written reflections, and completed end-of-the-chapter exercises and activities. I've even encouraged others to read these books.

I even give books as gifts.

But now I need to pay attention to me, and the world, and other people.

Would you like to buy some books?

Allowing Awareness

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
— E.E. Cummings

Notes to myself for the first day of March, 2011

photo taken at the Kiwanis Club in Marion, IL sometime in the early 80s. I had played the Liszt Hungarian Rhapsody no. 11.

I am approaching my birthday and so am setting some personal goals:

1. Walk away from situations that aren't truly yours. No orchestra needs another player when it hasn't yet figured out what it's playing.
2. Give folks a little room. You may be more compassionate than you know.
3. Being compassionate is not the same as being passive. You can be caring and still have boundaries.
4. Be patient with others. They will come around to their own personal truths in their own time and in their own ways.
5. Trust others to ask for what they want.