Goals for 2012

Big Life Stuff
My theme for 2012 is moderation and simplicity. I've found that I just carry too much stuff around...physically and mentally. I overpack my briefcase and overthink my ideas and concerns. Someone, I think Jack Kornfield said, "Our minds are like busy tourists. Shopping for things unnecessary to pack into closets already full." In 2012 I will strive to minimize, cut back, simplify, and bring clarity to situations. I also will purge closets, file cabinets, and online folders. And clean my desk more often.

Food & Fitness
During 2011 I discovered a new joy in being outdoors. Once a fan of treadmills and television, I now run outside almost every day. On days when weather is just too nasty, I run the indoor track, but even that takes a lot of patience (and good company!). To more fully take advantage of this new found appreciation of being outside, I'm going camping in 2012. Perhaps a long weekend with a destination run as the centerpiece.

I need to drop some pounds. Calorie Counter says I should weigh 124, which seems impossibly light to me. I'm aiming for 140, which means losing 17 lbs. A breakdown of a healthy plan would look like this:

Daily Calorie Goal: 2041
Carbs: 1020
Protein: 510
Fats: 510

To accomplish this goal I will eat at least one fruit or low-starch vegetable at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I'm making a commitment to "three-days dry" per week...probably Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays will be no-booze days. The pounds and puffiness are just not worth it.

I'll also drink at least 2 cups of green tea 5 days a week. It's supposed to boost metabolism and has a bunch of other good qualities...and it's easy. So, I'm in!

I need more Omega-3. And since I can't eat fish, I'm going for walnuts. But just a basic serving size, which is 1 ounce or 14 halves.

And more milk. I rarely drink milk, although I like it. I just need to get in the habit. Maybe every night before bed.

Finally, I'm going to lift or do some sort of weight training at least twice a week. Gaining muscle boosts metabolism and helps shed pounds.

I will run at least 3 5Ks, 3 10Ks, and two longer races--probably half-marathons. I'm already registered for the Fifth Third River Bank Run which is a 25K. And, along with Jeff, I've set a finish goal of 2:28. I'm also aiming for at least one destination run...maybe San Francisco next December so that we can see our friend, Kien and get back to the homeland.

Thinking and Writing
I am striving to write more...and have at least one manuscript published.

I also will get more organized at work. This past year I had a change of assignment, which expanded my responsibilities. I can do everything I've been asked, but the changes really disrupted my rhythm...so I will implement a better plan that blocks out time for the most essential  tasks. I can control my calendar.

I have a great stack of books to read...I'll get those done one-by-one.

Being Present
I'm not as thoughtful as I could be about spending money or anything to do with financial planning. During 2012 I will be more attentive to spending wisely, saving money and being frugal. Sorry, American Express.

My morning runs have become my time for meditation. But, while I am delighted with the changes in running, I need to set time aside to meditate and to listen to some of the great podcasts on Zencast.

I also need to see Jack...so a trip to Lakeland is on the list, too.

Finally
I'll keep at least bi-weekly posts on my progress with these goals. And I look forward to some coaching!

Resolutions 2011

This year I will strive for more proportionality. In my physical, mental,
emotional, social, and spiritual health.

I will seek ways to bring balance in all that I do.

I will have more integrity, following through with all commitments.

And I will be more creative...embracing who I am as an artist and educator.
I will take more photos.

And, I will run faster and have more fun.

And fewer martinis. Maybe.

Here is one of my favorite poems. It is by Mark Doty.

Long Point Light

Long Point's aparitional
this warm spring morning,
the strand a blur of sandy light,

and the square white
of the lighthouse-separated from us
by the bay's ultramarine

as if it were nowhere
we could ever go-gleams
like a tower's ghost, hazing

into the rinsed blue of March,
our last outpost in the huge
indetermination of sea.

It seems cheerful enough,
in the strengthening sunlight,
fixed point accompanying our walk

along the shore. Sometimes I think
it's the where-we-will be,
only not yet, like some visible outcropping

of the afterlife. In the dark
its deeper invitations emerge:
green witness at night's end,

flickering margin of horizon,
marker of safety and limit.
but limitless, the way it calls us,

and where it seems to want us
to come, And so I invite it
into the poem, to speak,

and the lighthouse says:
Here is the world you asked for,
gorgeous and opportune,

here is nine o'clock, harbor-wide,
and a glinting code: promise and warning.
The morning's the size of heaven.

What will you do with it? 

Reconsidering Resolutions

I'm taking some time to move lists originally posted on Facebook to this blog. Most of these lists were created in response to requests from friends to participate in those "25 Random Things" things. I know some people find these things to be immature, or a waste of time, or invasive, or something else not entirely productive or good, but I like them. They offer a chance to reflect.

Which leads me to thinking about resolutions. I am finding the difference between clinging to goals and being with goals very helpful. It's as if I were taking a walk with a great friend, feeling in harmony and tandem with their energy--that is being with. But, if I and my friend each hold one end of a piece of string and then promise ourselves to continue our walk while holding the string taught--I am clinging. We are suddenly three: he, I, and our distracting relationship with the string.

Setting a goal or a resolution allows one to explore the present and its actions in the unpressured context of the preferred. When one forces commitment to a resolution, the joy of the moment is sacrificed for the lure of the future.

Here are some things about myself I notice:

1. Almost every day I think about how fortunate I am to hear and know the music of Rachmaninoff.
2. I have an extremely sensitive affective memory. I remember how I felt at every musical performance I've given or been a part of since childhood. I remember riding a firetruck in 4th grade because I won a poster contest. All things that promote intensity of feelings seem to stay with me forever.
3. I rarely cry, but I ALWAYS cry during the overtures to operas and musicals--all of them--Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Rent, Boheme--anything.
4. I saw a shooting star this morning and thought of wishing for world peace, but went for single-digit body fat instead.
5. I find people who take themselves too seriously tedious.
6. I rarely get angry.
7. I can have as much investment in casual acquaintances as I do best friends. I strive to not take anyone for granted.
8. I often love the journey more than the destination.
9. If someone is witty and intelligent, I can be with them for hours.
10. I find sarcasm tedious.
11. I wish I had been more athletic earlier in life.
12. I would rather give than get gifts and host than be hosted. I am socially awkward as a guest, but completely confident being a host.
13. I am shy and strive to gain confidence through learning as much as possible about everything I do.
14. I can't relate to children at all--not as a child, nor now as an adult.
15. I could live on pasta and Cabernet.
16. I used to live in a pink trailer--all pink--even the appliances, toilet, and sinks.
17. I was a great waiter and sometimes miss it.
18. I love having such a strangely diverse set of real life and virtual friends--staunch, hard core Republicans and over the top liberals--it's what makes everything interesting.
19. I rarely feel pressure to be agreeable.
20. I love my chihuahuas and will forgive them for anything.
21. I sometimes think about becoming a Buddhist monk.
22. I don't like desserts very much.
23. I probably, no almost for sure overthink everything.
24. I love the unconventional life John and I lead. This past Saturday we went to Buffalo Wild Wings, then the Met Opera simulcast, then pizza and Cosmopolitans. I live in a conservative suburb....nothing makes a dime of sense, but it's all fun.
25. I don't procrastinate, but I do linger sometimes...

Comments on Steve Hagen's "Buddhism Is Not What You Think" Chapters 3 & 4

Allowing ourselves to volley in an imagined world of this or that results in an imagined existence, at least half of the time. Hagen writes, "...we imagine mental objects that we call good and evil...they're phantoms we've created in response to other phantoms."

I often find myself setting goals, an expression of dichotomous, imagined living. I weigh this, but should weigh that; I run at this pace, but should run at that pace; I've accomplished this, but should accomplish that...the list continues.

Hagen encourages us to embrace our existence in Totality. That our only reality is the present, a place of wholeness where "that" is illusion. More directly, he addresses our illusions of good and evil. That there is a preferred way of being, a goodness that has a genuineness that is more authentic of better than evil or bad ways of being. He reminds us that "our effort is to live fully and compassionately in this world of muddy water without churning it up all the more." And so, the Precepts begin to make more sense: to not speak unless one can improve on the silence.

The seduction into dichotomous thinking, dichotomous living extends to science and religion. The former being fact-based and the latter being passion-driven. But in this moment, our beliefs, from wherever they originate are our realities.

Jack Kornfield encourages us to let go of our reality. That only through our release of these "corruptions of insight" can we truly engage in the path. That clinging to beliefs, whatever their source slows our journey, holds us back from being in this moment.

My resolution for 2010 is to not make any.